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Jäegerbombs, Anyone?

As pay-day collides with the end of Dry January and British livers brace themselves for a weekend of excess, let’s take a moment to ponder the health benefits of this sober month.

Typically, even the smell of alcohol is enough to turn stomachs after the alcohol-fuelled-nonsense that is New Years’ Eve. For this reason, embarking on Dry January was a welcome relief for many.

However 24 hours into 2017, as that dreaded ‘I’ll never drink again’ hangover subsided and blood sugar levels across the nation began to normalise, many reached for the bottle once more.

Inevitably, there were casualties during the first week, but the brave souls tough enough to fight on in abstinence quickly begun to experience better sleep patterns.

Alcohol’s diuretic nature has many of us sweating and dashing to the bathroom throughout the night.

As if these symptoms aren’t glamorous enough, we’re all familiar with the atrocity that is badger-bottom mouth in the morning.

Blue Monday hit the nation hard on January 16th but for those who managed to struggle through without the poison, the fun really started.

Noticeable weight loss begins after a fortnight without alcohol.

Drinking two glasses of wine per day is the equivalent of eating a ham and cheese sandwich with full-fat mayonnaise.

Worse still, these are known as ‘empty calories’ – they contain zero nutritional value. In other words, they’re the worst of the worst.

With the end in sight, week three of Dry January passed with a little more ease.

The truly committed who made it this far enjoyed the glowing, younger looking complexion that emerges after week three of sobriety.

Alcohol is heavily toxic to the largest organ – the skin. Drinking leaves your skin dull and lacking in elasticity which results in premature ageing (oh god).

By week four, those left standing began to transform internally.

Human livers can handle alcohol in small quantities, but daily drinking causes inflammation and fatty deposits to develop.

‘Fatty livers’ begin to recover in week four of alcohol detox.

In addition, the smug few that made it through the month without touching a drop will have experienced a drop in blood pressure.

Fear not, the fun police aren’t out to get you – drinking in moderation will not result in disaster but you will see major benefits by cutting down slightly.

Here’s to a year with more rest, smaller waistlines, radiant skin and less chance of pushing up daisies too soon.

Hang on, did someone say Jäegerbombs?